Taking myself ‘Out’

The deep, dark secrets of my closet

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com

This is a preemptive strike.  I’ll admit it.  I’m not afraid.

My husband has been threatening to “out” me ever since I started this column.  And, he is playing basketball tonight and has no idea that I’m stealing his thunder…

You see, I am a contradiction of sorts.  On the one hand, I absolutely LOVE to dress up.  I am perpetually overdressed.  I am into the hair, the nails, the perfect handbag, how to apply false lashes, the quest for the ultimate lip gloss or perfect shoe.  I’m THAT girl.


When I get home from work in time to retrieve the kids off the bus (which is usually a few hours before my husband gets in), I immediately change into THIS:

And, put my hair into a topknot, like THIS:

I KNOW! I KNOW! I have said a MILLION times “no sweatpants” let alone WORDS ACROSS THE BACKSIDE OF SWEATPANTS!

And, yes…they are (dirty) pink, fake UGGS.

BUT, they are warm and comfy and I fantasize about putting them on when I am sitting at my desk in shoes that pinch my toes or make my back hurt all in the name of fashion!

What is even worse is the fact that I wear those PINK Victoria Secret sweatpants (that are at least 5 years old) with random  shirts. They NEVER match.

And, when it gets REALLY cold (like it is right now) I add my VERY SEXY bathrobe into the mix:

Paints a pretty picture, aye??

In my own defense, (brace yourself for the onslaught of “justifications”), I would NEVER wear those sweatpants OR those fake UGGS anywhere but my safe house.  I would not even dare answer the door for the pizza delivery boy in that.  Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

I have no good excuse for my hair…other than to say it is enjoyable to pull it up in a messy rats nest at the end of a long day.

Everyone needs their “comfy” clothes.  Even fashionistas.

HOWEVER, while I can appreciate that Sponge Bob Square Pants fleece pajama bottoms are VERY cozy, you shouldn’t wear them to Walmart to do your shopping.  EVER.  No one else wants to see that.


There are some fashion rules that are simply absolute.  I don’t care if you have a bad cold or you have a ton of laundry to do.  You shouldn’t be outside the confines of your personal living quarters unless you pull yourself together and look presentable.  For pete’s sake.  It’s not that difficult.

Think of it this way: if you put the tiniest bit of effort into your appearance as you leave the house, it will be that much more pleasurable to strip it all off when you get home…


p.s.  My very FAVORITE nail salon, “POLISHED” (right next to Liz Marden Bakery), is running a special! Every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday in January and February, a mani/pedi combo is 15% off!

****BUT, if you mention READING THIS COLUMN YOU WILL GET 20% OFF!!!!

I LOVE a good deal….and THAT, my pretties, is a GREAT deal!  You must call for an appointment!

#(484) 732-8694

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One Comment

  1. JoAnn Fisher says:

    I too wear fake Uggs and sweat pants at home, but dress up when I go outside. I don’t go anywhere without my “face on” . I am going to POLISHED today.

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