The mark of the beastly

Tattoos are forever, so when you ink, so do carefully

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times

I have been threatening to write an article about tattoos for months.

Truth is, I’m a chicken.  I know that people with “ink” take it VERY seriously…and, let’s face it, most of them could easily kick my butt.

HOWEVER, in the true spirit of free speech, I feel that it is my duty as a fashion columnist to speak my mind.

So, here it goes…

(I’m actually squeezing my eyes shut as if readying myself for a blow to the belly)

I do not find tattoos attractive on women.

There, I said it!

Call me sexist, I know!  Usually, I am a hairy armpit (not really) feminist.  Anything boys can do, girls can do better!  EXCEPT tattoos.

Maybe it is not so much the tattoo itself but the PLACEMENT that bothers me.  If, as a woman, you decide to get one on an area of the body only seen by a significant other, I guess “no harm, no foul”.

I still don’t really understand it (perhaps because I change the color of my nail polish three times a week, and therefore, can’t fathom injecting dye under my skin of an image I need to commit to for the REST OF MY LIFE…but, that’s obviously MY issue to work on).

I mean, you may REALLY like unicorns when you are 19.  But, will the unicorn jumping over the rainbow on your left flank look that attractive two decades later?

Ummmmmm, no.

I guess it’s my age, but, I find myself wincing when I look at beautiful girls with visible tattoos thinking “but, how will they cover that hideous thing in a wedding gown?”

I’m sure that many will vehemently disagree, but, there is no way to appear “classy” in a beautiful dress and gorgeous stilettos with the picture of a snake wound around your ankle.  The two do not jive.

I’ve been busting on women, but, men are not entirely off the hook …








Editor’s note: This is actually exhibit B. Kelly sent us a truly horrifying picture of a local gentleman ordering coffee at Dunkin Donuts. As Kelly was out of the country in Utah on vacation (yes, that was a joke, please don’t write in) at the time of publication, we substituted a somewhat-less lawsuit inspiring shot. But trust us, it was revolting in a “People of WalMart” way. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine it. Nope, it was worse than that. We now return you to your regularly scheduled column, already in progress.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

And that, my friends, is so very, very true.

Happy Weekend!

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  1. Kelly says:

    Thanks for your comment, Paul! And, I appreciate that everyone has their own opinion on the subject.
    p.s…I’m more concerned about the ring (or potential) that your girlfriend is sporting! Don’t let me down 🙂

  2. Paul B. says:

    After reading your intro paragraph, I was expecting something far more insulting than what followed. I really don’t think you have to worry about a major backlash from pissed of tattooed people. Trust me, we have all heard far worse than, “I don’t like tattoos on women.” You pretty much stuck to the fashion angle, which is what you should do as a fashion commentator. If you want to learn how to cross the line and really rile people up, read this:

    For the record, I am one of the many who will vehemently disagree with you about a woman with tattoos being able to look classy in a great dress. My girlfriend loves to get dressed up, and she looks stunning with her tattoos on display. I am looking forward to seeing how amazing she looks in a wedding dress.

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