The deep, dark secrets of my closet
By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com
My husband has been threatening to “out” me ever since I started this column. And, he is playing basketball tonight and has no idea that I’m stealing his thunder…
You see, I am a contradiction of sorts. On the one hand, I absolutely LOVE to dress up. I am perpetually overdressed. I am into the hair, the nails, the perfect handbag, how to apply false lashes, the quest for the ultimate lip gloss or perfect shoe. I’m THAT girl.
I KNOW! I KNOW! I have said a MILLION times “no sweatpants” let alone WORDS ACROSS THE BACKSIDE OF SWEATPANTS!
And, yes…they are (dirty) pink, fake UGGS.
BUT, they are warm and comfy and I fantasize about putting them on when I am sitting at my desk in shoes that pinch my toes or make my back hurt all in the name of fashion!
What is even worse is the fact that I wear those PINK Victoria Secret sweatpants (that are at least 5 years old) with random shirts. They NEVER match.
Paints a pretty picture, aye??
In my own defense, (brace yourself for the onslaught of “justifications”), I would NEVER wear those sweatpants OR those fake UGGS anywhere but my safe house. I would not even dare answer the door for the pizza delivery boy in that. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
I have no good excuse for my hair…other than to say it is enjoyable to pull it up in a messy rats nest at the end of a long day.
Everyone needs their “comfy” clothes. Even fashionistas.
HOWEVER, while I can appreciate that Sponge Bob Square Pants fleece pajama bottoms are VERY cozy, you shouldn’t wear them to Walmart to do your shopping. EVER. No one else wants to see that.
And, slippers with a plastic sole ARE STILL SLIPPERS AND ARE NOT TO BE WORN AS REGULAR SHOES.
There are some fashion rules that are simply absolute. I don’t care if you have a bad cold or you have a ton of laundry to do. You shouldn’t be outside the confines of your personal living quarters unless you pull yourself together and look presentable. For pete’s sake. It’s not that difficult.
Think of it this way: if you put the tiniest bit of effort into your appearance as you leave the house, it will be that much more pleasurable to strip it all off when you get home…
p.s. My very FAVORITE nail salon, “POLISHED” (right next to Liz Marden Bakery), is running a special! Every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday in January and February, a mani/pedi combo is 15% off!
****BUT, if you mention READING THIS COLUMN YOU WILL GET 20% OFF!!!!
I LOVE a good deal….and THAT, my pretties, is a GREAT deal! You must call for an appointment!