Tankinis: rue the muffin top

While I’m more open to the concept, the crop shirt version is a bad idea

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times

KellyColumn415RevisedI may be rushing things a bit…but, when the weather turns warm (and it’s supposed to be in the upper 60’s this week which sounds downright tropical) my thoughts automatically turn to the torment of bathing suit shopping. The yearly pilgrimage to the mall (armed with lots of self tanner and a prophylactic Advil) is not something that I look forward to.

As much as I loathe the fluorescent ambiance of the dressing room, I feel strongly that trying†on†swimsuits is a necessary evil. I don’t know about you, but, when I make online purchases I never end up looking like the stunning model featured on the website. At least at the store you have quick access to multiple size and shape options to torture yourself with.

If you pick up any magazine, there are a million tips and tricks about “emphasizing this” and “distracting from that” but I find, when it comes to bathing suits, classics are classic for a reason.

Bathing-suit-A simple tank style one piece, an “acceptable” tankini and a flattering, modest coverage bikini should be in every fashionable woman’s closet.

I have written in the past about my aversion to tankinis and I caught a lot of flack from my girlfriends. I understand that a tankini is†more practical, for ease of use and what not…blah, blah. SO, I am redacting my former “Never Wear a Tankini” statement and replacing it with “Never Wear an Old Lady Tankini”. Simply put, find a tankini that LOOKS like a onepiece.

It is MY opinion (and, let’s face it, my fashion opinions really are important) that buying the cropshirt version is a big, fat NO.

Exhibit A: (keep in mind that this is a Victoria’s Secret model. If you look like her, you have everyone’s blessing to wear it. Otherwise, walk away.

Bathing suit2

The problem with a suit like this is that it has the potential to create a muffin top scenario. Muffin tops are only enjoyable with a side of coffee. The floral suit pictured in the collage above (from Anthropologie) is a MUCH better choice. Notice how the top comes allllllllllll the way down to meet the bottom. Thumbs up.

What are YOUR best suggestions for making bathing suit shopping less painful? Share in the Comment section below!

Happy Weekend!

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