Not exactly the Facebook of fashion

Or, how to keep your Facebook friends, friends

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist,

Yes, I know that this does not really have ANYTHING to do with fashion.  BUT, you are a captive audience and this is what I’m in the mood to discuss today…

Let’s do this!

  1. The “check-in”.  No one cares or is remotely interested in the fact that you are at the Red Robin in Downingtown on a Wednesday night at 6:03pm.  I mean it.  It’s what everyone is thinking when they see that.
  2. Stop the relentless posting about your political perspective.  Honestly, watching a political race is like sitting through “Dumb & Dumber 2”.  If either party had all the answers, we wouldn’t be in the predicament we’re in now.  And, until we’ve all read (and apply the practices of) “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, we’re never going to get it right.
  3. Photos of oozing, red and swollen “fresh” tattoos are nauseating.  Plus, my opinions about tattoos have yet to be written….and heads up, it ain’t good.  Wait for it….
  4. Why do people take pictures of what they are eating for dinner?  This one always makes me laugh.  I just don’t get it!  And, I’m no “Dr. Oz”, but a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and corn does not constitute dinner.  It’s a trip to the ER for an angioplasty.
  5. UN-edited “Girls Night Out” photos.  OYE.  I will be the first to admit to being in some “mildly inappropriate” photos with my friends (where we may or may not be dancing at clubs until 4 o’clock in the morning).  HOWEVER, we all are wearing clothes that fit us, we all have lip gloss on and we aren’t holding CANS OF BEER and/or CIGARETTES.  Eeeew.  Seriously, gross.  Having a fun night out does not mean that you still shouldn’t act like a lady.  ESPECIALLY when you are more “mature” in age.  Taking pictures of your friend in a keg stand when you are 40 is horrifying.  Not to mention, someone could break a hip.
  6. Using Facebook as a means of therapy is just awkward for all of us.  Are we supposed to “like” when your relationship is “complicated” or when you have gone from “married” to “single”?  And, if you are sad and distraught, seek professional help.  Social media is not an effective anti-depressant.
  7. Beware of “creepers”.  AKA, people who like to scan your page and look at your pictures but never comment.  That is, until they slip up when they see you at Wawa and proceed to comment on photos that you posted THREE YEARS AGO…..Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Well, that is the end of my rant.  I feel MUCH better.  Good thing I have this column to air my grievances.  Lord knows, I shouldn’t put them on Facebook…

Happy Weekend!

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One Comment

  1. VR says:

    Hilarious. Made my day. Thanks!

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