Dear Santa: what not to bring…please?

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A must-not-have list for the fashion conscious

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com

Dear Santa,

I have been a (relatively) good girl this year.

For example:

1. I try not to scream at my children (in public)

2. I always put my shopping cart back in the little holding area after grocery shopping (even in the rain)

3. I never let people see me rolling my eyes when they act like morons.

I know that you normally get letters enumerating items that people WANT.  Well, I like a lot of very pretty things, and it’s safe to say that it may overwhelm you.  SO, in light of that fact, I’ve decided to make a list of presents that I absolutely, positively do NOT want this Christmas:

  • Pajama jeans (LOVE that they have a “dark wash” option.  Like THAT makes them desirable?)
  • Crocs…especially if they are fur lined!  HOLY MOSES
  • Sequined UGGS (just overkill in my opinion)
  • A chocolate diamond heart pendant from the mall (I don’t care if it was designed by Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)
  • Sweatpants with words across the backside (really?? Why do girls wear these?)
  • Clip on fake hair pony tail extensions
  • Clip on feather extensions (Pocahontas is soooooo 1600’s)
  • Antibacterial smelly soaps from a bath shop that take the first layer of skin off of your hands
  • Athletic black knee socks (although my boys would very much like some)
  • Press on nails
  • A pink Eagles sweatshirt (just ugly and they stink anyway)
  • Clogs
  • Frosty mauve lipstick
  • Patchouli perfume

Well, that about covers it.  Hopefully, you still have time to laminate this list and wear it on a lanyard around your neck.  Heaven knows that I don’t want you to confuse me with someone who may want these things as gifts under their tree.  Because, even though I write a fashion article every blessed week in the Unionville/Kennett Times, I still see it out on the streets.

Stay warm in that sleigh!  I think that you look fabulous in red…although, I would lose the black belt and go with a cheetah print instead.  Spice it up for the holiday!

Have Mrs. Claus call me.  She needs to replace the shapeless dress with a pencil skirt and cashmere twin set.  Some knee high black Tory Burch boots wouldn’t hurt.  And, she could use an appointment at the salon for some hair coloring….perhaps a few highlights?  Just a suggestion.

As always, thanks for working long hours to make everyone happy on Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas to all!

Love,

Kelly

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