You know you’re getting old…

The delightful milestones of the (slightly) above 40 crowd

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com

Last weekend I celebrated a birthday. And, this weekend, I am still licking my wounds.

To capture the essence of what I’m feeling, I thought I would summarize in a list.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD…

When you have to lean on something or sit down on the bed to put your pants on in the morning.
When you realize you are now, officially, in the next bracket on those stupid age demographic surveys.
When you have been with your spouse for more than half of your life.
When you start contemplating a tankini (DON’T DO IT!!!!!)
When you realize that self- tanner really does exacerbate age spots
When you realize that you have age spots
When you think that bangs may solve your forehead wrinkle problem, but, then feel “too old” for bangs (the old Catch 22).
When you party “all night” with friends on a Saturday night and it takes you until Tuesday afternoon to feel 100%
When feeling 100% is a thing of the past and you happily settle for a good 75%
When “party all night” really means until right around midnight
When you can’t even dream of a caffeinated beverage after 2pm for fear that you will be staring at the ceiling until 4 in the morning
When you go to the annual UCFSD “Oldies Dance” and find out that music from 1989 is classified as an oldie
When you work-out for hours every week and STILL can’t lose those damn 5 pounds
When you have to hand over your iPhone to your 10 year old for them to “fix” it
When you go to shop in Forever 21 and have to go up 4 sizes just to get the pants over your knees
When you forget the name of everyday objects even when they are sitting directly in front of you
When you realize that you may, indeed, have adult on-set acne
When you go into TJMaxx, not to shop, but, because the mirrors are an excellent place to pluck your eyebrows/chin hair
When you have chin hair
When you’re in pajamas at 7pm on a Friday night with a steaming mug of decaf tea writing an article for The Unionville Times…