The delightful milestones of the (slightly) above 40 crowd
By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com
To capture the essence of what I’m feeling, I thought I would summarize in a list.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD…
- When you have to lean on something or sit down on the bed to put your pants on in the morning.
- When you realize you are now, officially, in the next bracket on those stupid age demographic surveys.
- When you have been with your spouse for more than half of your life.
- When you start contemplating a tankini (DON’T DO IT!!!!!)
- When you realize that self- tanner really does exacerbate age spots
- When you realize that you have age spots
- When you think that bangs may solve your forehead wrinkle problem, but, then feel “too old” for bangs (the old Catch 22).
- When you party “all night” with friends on a Saturday night and it takes you until Tuesday afternoon to feel 100%
- When feeling 100% is a thing of the past and you happily settle for a good 75%
- When “party all night” really means until right around midnight
- When you can’t even dream of a caffeinated beverage after 2pm for fear that you will be staring at the ceiling until 4 in the morning
- When you go to the annual UCFSD “Oldies Dance” and find out that music from 1989 is classified as an oldie
- When you work-out for hours every week and STILL can’t lose those damn 5 pounds
- When you have to hand over your iPhone to your 10 year old for them to “fix” it
- When you go to shop in Forever 21 and have to go up 4 sizes just to get the pants over your knees
- When you forget the name of everyday objects even when they are sitting directly in front of you
- When you realize that you may, indeed, have adult on-set acne
- When you go into TJMaxx, not to shop, but, because the mirrors are an excellent place to pluck your eyebrows/chin hair
- When you have chin hair
- When you’re in pajamas at 7pm on a Friday night with a steaming mug of decaf tea writing an article for The Unionville Times…
Oh, woe is me…..
Happy EASTER everybunny!