{"id":8162,"date":"2012-04-08T06:00:49","date_gmt":"2012-04-08T10:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=8162"},"modified":"2012-04-07T10:55:27","modified_gmt":"2012-04-07T14:55:27","slug":"you-know-youre-getting-old","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=8162","title":{"rendered":"You know you’re getting old…"},"content":{"rendered":"

The delightful milestones of the (slightly) above 40 crowd<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Last weekend I celebrated a birthday.\u00a0 And, this weekend, I am still licking my wounds.<\/p>\n

To capture the essence of what I\u2019m feeling, I thought I would summarize in a list.<\/p>\n

YOU KNOW YOU\u2019RE GETTING OLD\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. When you have to lean on something or sit down on the bed to put your pants on in the morning.<\/li>\n
  2. When you realize you are now, officially, in the next bracket on those stupid age demographic surveys.<\/li>\n
  3. When you have been with your spouse for more than half of your life.<\/li>\n
  4. When you start contemplating a tankini\u00a0 \u00a0(DON\u2019T DO IT!!!!!)<\/li>\n
  5. When you realize that self- tanner really does exacerbate age spots<\/li>\n
  6. When you realize that you have age spots<\/li>\n
  7. When you think that bangs may solve your forehead wrinkle problem, but, then feel \u201ctoo old\u201d for bangs (the old Catch 22).<\/li>\n
  8. When you party \u201call night\u201d with friends on a Saturday night and it takes you until Tuesday afternoon to feel 100%<\/li>\n
  9. When feeling 100% is a thing of the past and you happily settle for a good 75%<\/li>\n
  10. When \u201cparty all night\u201d really means until right around midnight<\/li>\n
  11. When you can\u2019t even dream of a caffeinated beverage after 2pm for fear that you will be staring at the ceiling until 4 in the morning<\/li>\n
  12. When you go to the annual UCFSD \u201cOldies Dance\u201d and find out that music from 1989 is classified as an oldie<\/li>\n
  13. When you work-out for hours every week and STILL can\u2019t lose those damn 5 pounds<\/li>\n
  14. When you have to hand over your iPhone to your 10 year old for them to \u201cfix\u201d it<\/li>\n
  15. When you go to shop in Forever 21 and have to go up 4 sizes just to get the pants over your knees<\/li>\n
  16. When you forget the name of everyday objects even when they are sitting directly in front of you<\/li>\n
  17. When you realize that you may, indeed, have adult on-set acne<\/li>\n
  18. When you go into TJMaxx, not to shop, but, because the mirrors are an excellent place to pluck your eyebrows\/chin hair<\/li>\n
  19. When you have chin hair<\/li>\n
  20. When you\u2019re in pajamas at 7pm on a Friday night with a steaming mug of decaf tea writing an article for The Unionville Times<\/em>\u2026<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Oh, woe is me\u2026..<\/p>\n

    Happy EASTER everybunny!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The delightful milestones of the (slightly) above 40 crowd By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com Last weekend I celebrated a birthday.\u00a0 And, this weekend, I am still licking my wounds. To capture the essence of what I\u2019m feeling, I thought I would summarize in a list.    Send article as PDF   <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8164,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[7434,1008,1099],"class_list":["post-8162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-lifestyle","tag-lists","tag-signs-of-age"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8162"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8162\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8164"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}