{"id":6600,"date":"2012-01-15T08:41:52","date_gmt":"2012-01-15T13:41:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=6600"},"modified":"2012-01-15T08:41:52","modified_gmt":"2012-01-15T13:41:52","slug":"taking-myself-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=6600","title":{"rendered":"Taking myself ‘Out’"},"content":{"rendered":"

The deep, dark secrets of my closet<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>This is a preemptive strike.\u00a0 I\u2019ll admit it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not afraid.<\/p>\n

My husband has been threatening to \u201cout\u201d me ever since I started this column.\u00a0 And, he is playing basketball tonight and has no idea that I\u2019m stealing his thunder\u2026<\/p>\n

You see, I am a contradiction of sorts.\u00a0 On the one hand, I absolutely LOVE to dress up.\u00a0 I am perpetually overdressed.\u00a0 I am into the hair, the nails, the perfect handbag, how to apply false lashes, the quest for the ultimate lip gloss or perfect shoe.\u00a0 I\u2019m THAT girl.<\/p>\n

Yet\u2026<\/p>\n

When I get home from work in time to retrieve the kids off the bus (which is usually a few hours before my husband gets in), I immediately change into THIS:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>And, put my hair into a topknot, like THIS:<\/p>\n

I KNOW! I KNOW! I have said a MILLION times \u201cno sweatpants\u201d let alone WORDS ACROSS THE BACKSIDE OF SWEATPANTS!<\/p>\n

And, yes\u2026they are (dirty) pink, fake UGGS.<\/p>\n

BUT, they are warm and comfy and I fantasize about putting them on when I am sitting at my desk in shoes that pinch my toes or make my back hurt all in the name of fashion!<\/p>\n

What is even worse is the fact that I wear those PINK Victoria Secret sweatpants (that are at least 5 years old) with random\u00a0 shirts. They NEVER match.<\/p>\n

And, when it gets REALLY cold (like it is right now) I add my VERY SEXY bathrobe into the mix:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Paints a pretty picture, aye??<\/p>\n

In my own defense, (brace yourself for the onslaught of \u201cjustifications\u201d), I would NEVER wear those sweatpants OR those fake UGGS anywhere but my safe house.\u00a0 I would not even dare answer the door for the pizza delivery boy in that.\u00a0 Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.<\/p>\n

I have no good excuse for my hair\u2026other than to say it is enjoyable to pull it up in a messy rats nest at the end of a long day.<\/p>\n

Everyone needs their \u201ccomfy\u201d clothes.\u00a0 Even fashionistas.<\/p>\n

HOWEVER, while I can appreciate that Sponge Bob Square Pants fleece pajama bottoms are VERY cozy, you shouldn\u2019t wear them to Walmart to do your shopping. \u00a0EVER.\u00a0 No one else wants to see that.<\/p>\n

And, slippers with a plastic sole ARE STILL SLIPPERS AND ARE NOT TO BE WORN AS REGULAR SHOES.<\/p>\n

There are some fashion rules that are simply absolute. \u00a0I don\u2019t care if you have a bad cold or you have a ton of laundry to do.\u00a0 You shouldn\u2019t be outside the confines of your personal living quarters unless you pull yourself together and look presentable. \u00a0For pete\u2019s sake.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that difficult.<\/p>\n

Think of it this way: if you put the tiniest bit of effort into your appearance as you leave the house, it will be that much more pleasurable to strip it all off when you get home\u2026<\/p>\n

HAPPY WEEKEND!<\/p>\n

p.s.\u00a0 My very FAVORITE nail salon, \u201cPOLISHED\u201d<\/strong> (right next to Liz Marden Bakery), is running a special! Every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday in January and February, a mani\/pedi combo is 15% off!<\/p>\n

****BUT, if you mention READING THIS COLUMN YOU WILL GET<\/strong> 20% OFF!!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

I LOVE a good deal\u2026.and THAT, my pretties, is a GREAT deal!\u00a0 You must call for an appointment! <\/strong><\/p>\n

#(484) 732-8694<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The deep, dark secrets of my closet By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com This is a preemptive strike.\u00a0 I\u2019ll admit it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not afraid. My husband has been threatening to \u201cout\u201d me ever since I started this column.\u00a0 And, he is playing basketball tonight and has no idea that I\u2019m stealing his thunder\u2026 You see, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6610,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[800,255,799],"class_list":["post-6600","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-fake-uggs","tag-fashion","tag-sweatpants"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6600","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6600"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6600\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6610"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6600"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6600"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6600"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}