{"id":6112,"date":"2011-12-11T06:00:54","date_gmt":"2011-12-11T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=6112"},"modified":"2011-12-10T11:52:28","modified_gmt":"2011-12-10T16:52:28","slug":"dear-santa-what-not-to-bring-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=6112","title":{"rendered":"Dear Santa: what not to bring&#8230;please?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><strong><em><span style=\"font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;\">A must-not-have list for the fashion conscious<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;\"><strong>By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, <span style=\"font-size: x-small;\"><em>Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/UTKellyColumn1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-6114\" title=\"UTKellyColumn\" src=\"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/UTKellyColumn1-250x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"175\" height=\"210\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/UTKellyColumn1-250x300.jpg 250w, https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/UTKellyColumn1-83x100.jpg 83w, https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/UTKellyColumn1.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 175px) 100vw, 175px\" \/><\/a>Dear Santa,<\/p>\n<p>I have been a (relatively) good girl this year.<\/p>\n<p>For example:<\/p>\n<p>1. I try not to scream at my children (in public)<\/p>\n<p>2. I always put my shopping cart back in the little holding area after grocery shopping (even in the rain)<\/p>\n<p>3. I never let people see me rolling my eyes when they act like morons.<\/p>\n<p>I know that you normally get letters enumerating items that people WANT. \u00a0Well, I like a lot of very pretty things, and it\u2019s safe to say that it may overwhelm you.\u00a0 SO, in light of that fact, I\u2019ve decided to make a list of presents that I absolutely, positively do NOT want this Christmas:<!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Pajama jeans (LOVE that they have a \u201cdark wash\u201d option.\u00a0 Like THAT makes them desirable?)<\/li>\n<li>Crocs\u2026especially if they are fur lined!\u00a0 HOLY MOSES<\/li>\n<li>Sequined UGGS (just overkill in my opinion)<\/li>\n<li>A chocolate diamond heart pendant from the mall (I don\u2019t care if it was designed by Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)<\/li>\n<li>Sweatpants with words across the backside (really?? Why do girls wear these?)<\/li>\n<li>Clip on fake hair pony tail extensions<\/li>\n<li>Clip on feather extensions (Pocahontas is soooooo 1600\u2019s)<\/li>\n<li>Antibacterial smelly soaps from a bath shop that take the first layer of skin off of your hands<\/li>\n<li>Athletic black knee socks (although my boys would very much like some)<\/li>\n<li>Press on nails<\/li>\n<li>A pink Eagles sweatshirt (just ugly and they stink anyway)<\/li>\n<li>Clogs<\/li>\n<li>Frosty mauve lipstick<\/li>\n<li>Patchouli perfume<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Well, that about covers it.\u00a0 Hopefully, you still have time to laminate this list and wear it on a lanyard around your neck. \u00a0Heaven knows that I don\u2019t want you to confuse me with someone who may want these things as gifts under their tree.\u00a0 Because, even though I write a fashion article every blessed week in the Unionville\/Kennett Times, I still see it out on the streets.<\/p>\n<p>Stay warm in that sleigh!\u00a0 I think that you look fabulous in red\u2026although, I would lose the black belt and go with a cheetah print instead. \u00a0Spice it up for the holiday!<\/p>\n<p>Have Mrs. Claus call me. \u00a0She needs to replace the shapeless dress with a pencil skirt and cashmere twin set.\u00a0 Some knee high black Tory Burch boots wouldn\u2019t hurt.\u00a0 And, she could use an appointment at the salon for some hair coloring\u2026.perhaps a few highlights?\u00a0 Just a suggestion.<\/p>\n<p>As always, thanks for working long hours to make everyone happy on Christmas morning.<\/p>\n<p>Merry Christmas to all!<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<p>Kelly<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A must-not-have list for the fashion conscious By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com Dear Santa, I have been a (relatively) good girl this year. For example: 1. I try not to scream at my children (in public) 2. I always put my shopping cart back in the little holding area after grocery shopping (even in the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[255,703,159],"class_list":["post-6112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-fashion","tag-gifts","tag-santa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6112"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6112\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}