{"id":5193,"date":"2011-10-16T06:00:49","date_gmt":"2011-10-16T10:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=5193"},"modified":"2011-10-15T13:28:41","modified_gmt":"2011-10-15T17:28:41","slug":"making-the-holidays-way-too-scary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=5193","title":{"rendered":"Making the holidays way too scary"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>It has been a while since I have written a snarky article\u2026.and, I am in a \u201cmood\u201d\u2026SO, here it goes:<\/p>\n

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR A HOLIDAY SWEATER\/T-SHIRT\/MATCHING BEDAZZLED SWEATPANT.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care if you are a mother of four or a pre-K teacher or you drive a school bus or you\u2019re on the PTA or you work at Michael\u2019s craft store.<\/p>\n

Buying a sweater that has an applique of a black velvet Halloween cat perched on top of a picket fence with patchwork plaid pumpkins sporting sequined stems is just plain STUPID.<\/p>\n

I saw a woman the other day with a sweatshirt that read\u00a0 \u201cFall in love with Autumn.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hand to the heavens, I can\u2019t make this stuff up.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the most<\/strong> tragic part of it all…the complementary stretchy black legging that had little embroidered leaves around the ankle.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s just sit and ponder this for a minute.<\/p>\n

When I saw her I had multiple frenetic thoughts:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. She needs rescuing, stat!<\/li>\n
  2. Do I have a beach towel in my car to wrap around her until we can find a better outfit?<\/li>\n
  3. Why don\u2019t I have business cards that read \u201cFree Fashion Consults by Kelly?\u201d<\/li>\n
  4. Who manufactured this outfit?<\/li>\n
  5. I wonder if she is, in fact, \u201cin love\u201d with autumn?<\/li>\n
  6. Would I ever \u201clove autumn\u201d enough to want to declare it to the world?<\/li>\n
  7. Jeez, those stretch leggings with a sweatshirt are not flattering.<\/li>\n
  8. She is wearing black Asics sneakers.<\/li>\n
  9. I think there may be a matching sock!<\/li>\n
  10. Some people cannot be saved.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    How far is too far when it comes to dressing for the holiday season?<\/p>\n

    I guess it really is a matter of personal preference.\u00a0 I simply do not understand the appeal of a themed sweater.\u00a0 I find them to be bordering on creepy\u2026like, are you trying to lure my child by having a huge Santa face with a blinking red nose right in the middle of your bosom? What message is that sending?<\/p>\n

    I am ALL for dressing seasonally, though.\u00a0 Wear a gorgeous Christmas-y plaid blouse under a cable knit sweater! Or, invest in some olive green riding pants and pair them with a hounds tooth blazer and leather boots for Thanksgiving! A blush pink dress for Valentine\u2019s Day is divine!<\/p>\n

    Am I making my point?<\/p>\n

    I am sure that some people will think that this rant is too harsh. And, perhaps it is. My children will tell you that I seem to get immense pleasure being a \u201cfun sucker.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Maybe this is just MY problem?<\/p>\n

    I\u2019m still rather confident that I will not be investing in such an ensemble come October 31st<\/sup>, even though a t-shirt with a big witch on the front may be right up my alley\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n

    (insert cackling laughter here.)<\/p>\n

    Happy Weekend!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com It has been a while since I have written a snarky article\u2026.and, I am in a \u201cmood\u201d\u2026SO, here it goes: THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR A HOLIDAY SWEATER\/T-SHIRT\/MATCHING BEDAZZLED SWEATPANT. I don\u2019t care if you are a mother of four or a pre-K teacher or you drive a school […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5196,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[255,625,411],"class_list":["post-5193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-fashion","tag-holidays","tag-scary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5193"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5193\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}