{"id":3694,"date":"2011-06-19T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2011-06-19T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=3694"},"modified":"2011-06-17T14:24:40","modified_gmt":"2011-06-17T18:24:40","slug":"she-said-he-said","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=3694","title":{"rendered":"She Said, He Said"},"content":{"rendered":"

Two sides of the fashion story in honor of Fathers’ Day<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>In honor of Father\u2019s Day, Mike McGann has graciously offered to translate my fashion gibberish for all of the fellas out there!<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s see if he is up for the challenge\u2026..<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation:<\/em><\/strong> Kelly is going to give you fashion tips. Then I\u2019m going to basically make fun of them and then we all go out for a beer, afterward.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have decided, as a present to all of the hard working Dad\u2019s, to offer my style service FREE of charge. Tips, however, are always appreciated.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s open the discussion with some general rules regarding the fashion requirements for some \u201cDad-like\u201d activities:<\/p>\n

The following three MUST be performed with a t-shirt ON:<\/p>\n

MOWING THE LAWN<\/strong>: When undertaking any sort of landscape activity, cover up! The jiggle factor alone creates the need. I understand wanting to avoid a \u201cfarmer\u2019s tan\u201d situation; but, I\u2019m afraid that that does not warrant an exception to the rule.<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation:<\/em><\/strong> Duh. Anyone who\u2019s done it knows the thrill of being hit by mower-driven debris, so obviously a T-shirt is in order. But because you\u2019re doing a task around the house, you get to wear the most-awful, scary wife-nauseating shirt you own (you know, the Def Leppard 1984 Tour shirt with holes and missing sleeves) because you\u2019re doing manly work stuff and wouldn\u2019t want to wreck the good stuff (and if that means your Culture Club 1983 tour shirt, just please stop reading now).<\/em><\/p>\n

GRILLING<\/strong>: An apron over a naked torso is not acceptable. Although, it helps prevent \u201cchest hair\u201d combustion, it is not a look that is appetizing for your dinner guests. The addition of a chef hat to the ensemble just increases the likelihood that someone will snap a picture for Facebook, thereby humiliating your spouse and\/or children.<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation: <\/em><\/strong>Again, a no-brainer. Ever drip hot-off-the-grill steak juice on your bare chest? Do it just once and you\u2019ll invest in Nomex t-shirts. Same goes for smoking cigars outside. Ouch. Here\u2019s a fun tip: Monster Truck shirts work well here because they just seem to get better with more stains, you know?<\/em><\/p>\n

JOGGING<\/strong>: We all appreciate a Dad who exercises! It keeps you healthy and young. However, running without a shirt should be reserved for the high school football star and not men over 35. Even if you are in fit enough shape to pull this off, other \u201cless buff\u201d men will want to hit you with their car. Not worth it.<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation:<\/em><\/strong> if you\u2019ve got it, flaunt it. But…let\u2019s be honest not many of us, do we? And running? What does this look like, a copy of <\/em>Men\u2019s Health? Anything beyond a brisk walk and you run the risk of spilling your beer.<\/em><\/p>\n

Moving on to sports, shall we?<\/p>\n

GOLFING<\/strong>: As a self-proclaimed fashionista, I applaud the professional golfers who dress for the game. For the regular Dad on the Kennett Country Club golf course, \u201cdapper\u201d can become \u201cdorky\u201d with one wrong plaid. Let\u2019s use Ian Poulter as an example of \u201cwhat NOT to wear\u201d. However, the man can play golf and that is why HE can get away with it. You, my friend, probably can\u2019t consistently hit a 300 yard drive nor make anywhere close to the 22 million dollars he\u2019s earned doing so. And, as I always say, money makes ugly men\/fashion infinitely more attractive! (Oh yes, I did just go there!)<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation:<\/em><\/strong> Yeah, the pro guys get paid serious cash to wear what they wear. Most of us on the links strive for that perfect combo of comfy, barely meeting the club rules on dress and making sure we have the lucky item that makes sure we don\u2019t shank our seven-iron shots into the bunker all day. (Which we still do, but somehow the lucky item retains its magic the one time a year we manage to lay up on the green in two). The wanna-be Tigers or Leftys seen on the course mostly get laughed at. Of course, as Kelly points out, you can wear anything you want getting off your own private jet…and it will be a good look.<\/em><\/p>\n

WATCHING THE PHILLIES<\/strong>: I understand wanting to support the team, but, must draw the line at the Phillies jersey with YOUR last name embroidered on the back. I vote for the number DOUBLE ZERO, \u2018cause that\u2019s what you look like with that thing on! Do you really think that people might mistakenly take you for a professional ball player making seven figures pouring your own coffee at Landhope? Here\u2019s a tip\u2026.NOPE, they don\u2019t. Stay safe and stick with the Howard jersey.<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation: <\/em><\/strong>Wear whatever makes you happy. If you\u2019ve always dreamed of wearing a Phillies\u2019 uni, indulge yourself. Your lucky number, your name, your jersey. You won\u2019t be leaving the Phillies or Eagles (how many of you have Donovan McNabb jerseys stashed in the drawer?) in a trade, via free agency or whatever — unlike Ryan Howard or today\u2019s star of the week. It\u2019s a solid investment in your fandom. If, however, your significant other questions this logic, ask, politely, why she needs seven pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes. Enjoy the ensuing silence.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry if I\u2019ve upset your mojo on Father\u2019s day. It is YOUR day, after all! Therefore, let\u2019s abandon ALL fashion rules for this day (and this day ONLY). Feel free to wear Crocs and tank tops and clip that cell phone to your belt and bring that one realllllllllllllly long piece of hair from the back and swirl it over the top of your head!<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/em>GO HOG WILD\u2026..for 24 hours.<\/p>\n

Your time starts\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..NOW!<\/p>\n

Mike\u2019s translation:<\/em><\/strong> In other words, to feel good is to look good. Be comfortable, wear what makes you happy, and your inner glow will shine to everyone. Yeah, right. Pass the beer. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two sides of the fashion story in honor of Fathers’ Day By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, UnionvilleTimes.com In honor of Father\u2019s Day, Mike McGann has graciously offered to translate my fashion gibberish for all of the fellas out there! Let\u2019s see if he is up for the challenge\u2026.. Mike\u2019s translation: Kelly is going to give you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3696,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[331,255,373],"class_list":["post-3694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-beer","tag-fashion","tag-fathers-day"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3694"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3694\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}