{"id":27927,"date":"2016-01-24T06:00:28","date_gmt":"2016-01-24T11:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=27927"},"modified":"2016-01-23T16:02:11","modified_gmt":"2016-01-23T21:02:11","slug":"you-know-whats-great-about-snowstorms-nothing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=27927","title":{"rendered":"You know what’s great about snowstorms? Nothing"},"content":{"rendered":"

Multiple feet of snow, being cooped up and all is not my cup of tea<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/span>,<\/strong> Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"KellyColumn415Newest815\"<\/a>Aaaaaaah, Jonas…you are not nearly as attractive as Nick Jonas in his Calvin Klein underwear ads. (I would share <\/span>a picture, but this is <\/span>a PG rated column, unfortunately). Yes, you look pretty from the window with your thirty inch drifts and swirling flakes. But <\/span>I still hate you. Because <\/span>I am ANTI\u00adSNOW DAY and, however unpopular that statement may be, <\/span>I am not afraid to say it. <\/span>I do not like being cold. <\/span>I really <\/i>do not like being confined. It doesn\u2019t matter that <\/span>I had no real plans to go anywhere today…the fact that <\/span>I CAN\u2019T irritates me.<\/span><\/p>\n

In spite of your blizzard\u00ady wrath, <\/span>I did shower and fix my hair and apply lip gloss (just to defy logic). Thankfully, as <\/span>I type, we have not lost power so <\/span>I can watch endless hours of mindless TV whilst simultaneously shoveling high\u00adcalorie food into my mouth. What is it about snow that makes you need to make\/eat chocolate chip cookies?<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Snowed<\/a>

The lovely view from my dining room window. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrr)<\/p><\/div>\n

My children have voluntarily ventured out into the frozen tundra to play with friends. <\/span>I find this mind boggling now that <\/span>I am an adult…but, <\/span>I suppose that before my frontal lobe was completely developed and <\/span>I realized how stupid it was, <\/span>I did the same thing at their age.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thankful in times like these (and ONLY in times like these) for my chronic \u201cold lady back\u201d issues, <\/span>I watch from the window as my poor husband shovels for the 100th time. In order to feel somewhat useful, <\/span>I am busy making homemade soup (and brownies because the cookies were demolished in 12 minutes and God forbid we have no dessert) and running the washer\/dryer like <\/span>a laundromat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, <\/span>I have heard people talking about \u201cliving off the grid\u201d. Let me just be clear that if the isolation of this damn 36 hour storm is even <\/span>a tiny window into that way of life, <\/span>I say NO THANK YOU. <\/span>I will take the distraction of people and modern conveniences and access to <\/span>a shopping mall ALL DAY LONG over this hellish existence.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know that <\/span>I should relax and enjoy the \u201cdowntime\u201d that Jonas has awarded us this weekend. Frankly, <\/span>I would have preferred that he had come during the week so that school was cancelled and <\/span>I didn\u2019t have to worry about packing lunches or setting alarms. But, <\/span>I suppose Mother Nature gets to decide. <\/span>I just hope this is her last hurrah until Spring. Fingers crossed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happy Weekend<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Multiple feet of snow, being cooped up and all is not my cup of tea By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times Aaaaaaah, Jonas…you are not nearly as attractive as Nick Jonas in his Calvin Klein underwear ads. (I would share a picture, but this is a PG rated column, unfortunately). Yes, you look pretty from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":27924,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[173,139,7961],"class_list":["post-27927","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-snow","tag-storm","tag-stuck-at-home"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27927","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27927"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27927\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27928,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27927\/revisions\/27928"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/27924"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}