{"id":21331,"date":"2014-03-23T06:00:53","date_gmt":"2014-03-23T10:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=21331"},"modified":"2014-03-22T17:09:21","modified_gmt":"2014-03-22T21:09:21","slug":"surviving-march-madness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=21331","title":{"rendered":"Surviving March Madness"},"content":{"rendered":"

You can’t stop basketball at this time of year, you can only hope to contain it<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"UTKellyColumn<\/a>March Madness.\u00a0 It is all consuming over here in the Hockenberry residence.\u00a0 The testosterone swirling in the air is almost palpable.\u00a0 How does a girl schooled in fashion (but not so much in the rules of the game) hang in such a situation?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll tell you how.<\/p>\n

1.)\u00a0\u00a0 When filling out a bracket or slapping $$$ on the table in a bet, the key is CONFIDENCE.\u00a0 If you act like you know what you\u2019re talking about, that\u2019s all that matters.\u00a0 Forget basketball\u2026that applies in every aspect of life.<\/p>\n

2.)\u00a0\u00a0 Although not as prominently displayed as in football, I always suggest going with a team that has cute cheerleaders.\u00a0 Torn between two teams?\u00a0 Go south, they are usually just better.\u00a0 Period.<\/p>\n

3.)\u00a0\u00a0 Pick the underdog.\u00a0 In March Madness, upsets seem to prevail.\u00a0 (I have Duke winning, so, I obviously did not take my own advice) Plus, I think rooting for the 14th<\/sup> seed over the 3rd<\/sup> brings good karma overall.<\/p>\n

4.)\u00a0\u00a0 I am not a huge fan of women dressing in sports paraphernalia.\u00a0 It\u2019s a little too \u201cHooters girl\u201d for my taste.\u00a0 Besides, those team t-shirts are usually ill fitting and too boxy to be flattering.\u00a0 And, NEVER, EVER take that manly t-shirt and tie it into a half-shirt.\u00a0 No, no, no.<\/p>\n

5.)\u00a0\u00a0 If you are struggling for something to yell during the game, try these gems:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u201cHe broke his ankles!\u201d \u2013 means that the defender went back and forth so hard, he risked turning an ankle
\n\u2022\u201cHe got posterized!\u201d \u2013 means you got dunked on and will be the guy featured in the poster looking up
\n\u2022\u201cAND 1!\u201d \u2013 means a basket PLUS a free throw for a foul on the play (this is a good thing)
\n\u2022\u201cHe took a train\u201d- means a travel\/walk
\n\u2022\u201cLet it fly from downtown!\u201d- means shoot the 3 pointer<\/p>\n

6.)\u00a0\u00a0 Distract men with snacks.\u00a0 The saltier and more calorie-laden the better.\u00a0 While this is not the most feminist thing I have ever written, the truth is, it works.<\/p>\n

7.)\u00a0\u00a0 And lastly, if all else fails, there is always online shopping on your phone.\u00a0 You can just claim to be researching stats.<\/p>\n

There you have it!\u00a0 Who needs \u201cBasketball for Dummies\u201d when you have me?<\/p>\n

Happy Weekend!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You can’t stop basketball at this time of year, you can only hope to contain it By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times March Madness.\u00a0 It is all consuming over here in the Hockenberry residence.\u00a0 The testosterone swirling in the air is almost palpable.\u00a0 How does a girl schooled in fashion (but not so much in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":21330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[948,272,5240,5241,980],"class_list":["post-21331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-march-madness","tag-men","tag-ncaa-basketball","tag-surviving","tag-tournament"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21331"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21331\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/21330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}