{"id":17572,"date":"2013-08-11T06:00:25","date_gmt":"2013-08-11T10:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=17572"},"modified":"2013-08-10T13:56:16","modified_gmt":"2013-08-10T17:56:16","slug":"the-only-thing-that-spoils-the-shore-the-boardwalk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=17572","title":{"rendered":"The only thing that spoils the shore: the boardwalk"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><strong><span style=\"font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;\">Why they must ruin a perfectly good beach with these wooden monstrosities is beyond me<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;\"><strong>By Kelly Hockenberry,<\/strong> <span style=\"font-size: x-small;\"><em>Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/UTKellyRev2Column1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright  wp-image-17574\" style=\"margin: 4px;\" alt=\"UTKellyRev2Column\" src=\"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/UTKellyRev2Column1-250x300.jpg\" width=\"175\" height=\"210\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/UTKellyRev2Column1-250x300.jpg 250w, https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/UTKellyRev2Column1-83x100.jpg 83w, https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/UTKellyRev2Column1.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 175px) 100vw, 175px\" \/><\/a>The beach is one of my very favorite places to relax. I am perfectly content with my chair, some sunscreen and a good book. My children love the ocean and are (relatively) self-sufficient now that they are older. I really prefer to park the car and not get in it again until the weekend is over\u2026.there\u2019s just one glitch in my plan\u2026<\/p>\n<p>THE BOARDWALK.<\/p>\n<p>I know that I will catch a lot of grief for this one, but, I HATE it. Thankfully, my children have been trained to ask to go maybe twice a summer.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I suffered through it this past week. Here are my complaints:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s crowded (not a fan of walking 2 miles an hour behind a large group in matching t-shirts)<\/li>\n<li>The sea gulls drive me nuts. The only thing worse = people who FEED the sea gulls and think it\u2019s cute. Makes me want to scream.<\/li>\n<li>The fashion is atrocious. How tiny can short-shorts be? You\u2019ll find out on the boardwalk. And, dare I say it\u2026.the smallest shorts tend to house the largest cheeks. Gross, I know. But, don\u2019t blame me! I\u2019m not wearing them.<\/li>\n<li>Sweat pants with words on the backside. Why is this trend continuing? WHY?<\/li>\n<li>You pay ridiculous amounts of money for freak show items like wax hand molds (????) and hermit crabs (plus cage, rocks, castle, food, extra shells. UGH.) FYI, neither of these things happened on my watch.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t even get me started on the food. You can disagree, but, when Mack left that pizza is not worth that line. And, what is the deal with chocolate covered BACON? It\u2019s no wonder we are the fattest people on the planet.<\/li>\n<li>The cursing. I heard A LOT of it. And, not just from surly teenagers. Now, I can talk trash with the best of them but it is out of control, people. Clean it up.<\/li>\n<li>Runners. Especially guys who like to run without a top on down the center of the boardwalk at 7pm. Yeah, we see you buddy. Not impressed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Well, enough of my miserable groaning. Plop me back on the sand with a cold Diet Coke and I am instantly transformed into a nice person. (It\u2019s the salt air. Miraculous stuff)<\/p>\n<p>Happy Weekend! Get out and enjoy the sunshine!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why they must ruin a perfectly good beach with these wooden monstrosities is beyond me By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times The beach is one of my very favorite places to relax. I am perfectly content with my chair, some sunscreen and a good book. My children love the ocean and are (relatively) self-sufficient now [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17574,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[3981,290,3980,3983,3982,3979],"class_list":["post-17572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-bacon","tag-beach","tag-boardwalk","tag-mack-manco","tag-sea-gulls","tag-the-shore"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17572","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17572"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17572\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/17574"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}