{"id":13852,"date":"2013-02-14T10:14:11","date_gmt":"2013-02-14T15:14:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=13852"},"modified":"2013-02-14T10:14:11","modified_gmt":"2013-02-14T15:14:11","slug":"equal-time-a-male-response-to-kelly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=13852","title":{"rendered":"Equal time: a male response to Kelly"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note:<\/strong> In the interests of equal time, fairness and well, just because it’s so darn fun, we celebrate this Valentine’s Day by offering space for a rebuttal of our popular Sunday columnist, Kelly Hockenberry by her husband, Joe.<\/em><\/p>\n

By Joe Hockenberry<\/strong>, Special to The Times<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"UTColLogoJoeHockenberry\"<\/a>I walked into my Monday morning hoops game this past week and was greeted with the following:\u00a0 \u201cMan, your wife not only threw you under the bus, she backed up and got you twice!\u201d.\u00a0 I have lightly threatened to respond to these unwarranted attacks in Read My Lipgloss<\/em> in the past, but hey, it\u2019s all in fun, right?\u00a0 But when my hoops buddies can no longer look me in the eye, it\u2019s time for action.<\/p>\n

I won\u2019t spend a lot of time defending my own behavior.\u00a0 I must admit, I do like me a good movie when I\u2019m under the weather.\u00a0 It\u2019s inspiration.\u00a0 If Jason Bourne can walk away from that car accident, I can probably make it downstairs for more tea.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m going on the attack.\u00a0 Unlike my wife, my comments are not general to an entire gender so please hold the hate mail.\u00a0 That being said, let\u2019s review a few comments from my darling, beloved, \u201cin sickness and in health,\u201d Kelly\u2019s post:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe beds are made\u201d \u2013 congrats.\u00a0 That was a tough 3 minutes.<\/p>\n

\u201cDishes loaded in the dishwasher, emptied and put away\u201d \u2013 excuse me, isn\u2019t the hard part being done by the machine here?\u00a0 But I organized them all very well so the machine could do the work.\u00a0 <\/i>3 more minutes.\u00a0 What is this, a POW camp?<\/p>\n

\u201cLaundry washed and folded (and in baskets\u2026.I\u2019m not a miracle worker)\u201d\u00a0 Ignoring the similarity to washing dishes, are we comparing taking the folded clothes, opening a dresser and dropping them in with teaching a blind and deaf woman to speak?\u00a0 And don\u2019t get me started on whether the clean clothes can be worn.\u00a0 Honey, thanks for doing the laundry today.\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\u00a0 So I can wear that great shirt to work tomorrow.\u00a0 Sure, if you don\u2019t mind being mistaken for a raisin.\u00a0 <\/i>But that\u2019s for another post.<\/p>\n

\u201cBreakfast, lunch and dinner served daily\u201d.\u00a0 Somehow, the kids and I pouring Cheerios into a bowl has translated into serving breakfast.\u00a0 No one is home for lunch.\u00a0 Dinners at our house are usually balanced, and healthy meals that taste great.\u00a0 Kudos to Kel.\u00a0 However, during \u201csick week,\u201d dinner typically devolves into something like \u201cbreakfast for dinner\u201d or \u201cfend for yourselves.\u201d\u00a0 Breakfast for dinner sounds fun; what are we having?\u00a0 Well, what did you have for breakfast?\u00a0 A frozen waffle in the microwave.\u00a0 Well we\u2019re going to spice it up and put them in the oven for dinner.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cMake-up on and hair is brushed\u201d Now my wife is a beautiful woman, but I\u2019m not sure where she is going with this one.\u00a0 A little grooming isn\u2019t going to make anyone forget the hacking, coughing, and same sweatpants on day 4.\u00a0 Even the Stink Bugs fly by and say, “uh, no thanks.\u00a0 Catch you next week.”<\/i><\/p>\n

Well, that\u2019s all I have room for.\u00a0 Hopefully I can walk into basketball tomorrow morning, head held high, and get a few high fives for saving the dignity of men everywhere.\u00a0 Or not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: In the interests of equal time, fairness and well, just because it’s so darn fun, we celebrate this Valentine’s Day by offering space for a rebuttal of our popular Sunday columnist, Kelly Hockenberry by her husband, Joe. By Joe Hockenberry, Special to The Times I walked into my Monday morning hoops game this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13854,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[2682,2681,2726,64,2725],"class_list":["post-13852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-housework","tag-illness","tag-men-and-women","tag-opinion","tag-rebuttal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13852","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13852"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13852\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13854"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13852"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13852"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13852"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}