{"id":13023,"date":"2012-12-23T06:00:32","date_gmt":"2012-12-23T11:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=13023"},"modified":"2012-12-22T17:55:29","modified_gmt":"2012-12-22T22:55:29","slug":"twas-the-sunday-before-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/?p=13023","title":{"rendered":"T’was the Sunday before Christmas…."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>By Kelly Hockenberry<\/strong>, Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Twas the Sunday before Christmas and all through the house<\/p>\n

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse<\/p>\n

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care<\/p>\n

And Santa asked Kelly \u201cWhat should I put in there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Santa\u201d said Kelly. \u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s no problem at all.\u00a0 Just give me your AMEX and KOP Mall.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes- how they twinkled!\u00a0 Her dimples so merry<\/p>\n

And the scarf \u2018round her neck was (of course) a Bur-berry<\/p>\n

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow<\/p>\n

The thrill of such shopping created a glow<\/p>\n

She had a thin face and a sore little belly<\/p>\n

From all that Cross Fit that had turned her to jelly<\/p>\n

She spoke not a word and went straight to her work<\/p>\n

Filled up the stockings then turned with a jerk<\/p>\n

And placing a hand ever slight on her hip<\/p>\n

Walked slowly toward Santa and stuck out her lip<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve forgotten MY stocking\u201d she said with a sigh<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd now it\u2019s too late, we are ready to fly\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dear\u201d said Santa.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a fan of U\u2019Times\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI read your rants weekly and hear all of your whines\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJCrew and Sephora to name but a few\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Santa, you know me!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou really, really do!\u201d<\/p>\n

They sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle<\/p>\n

And away they both flew, like the down of a thistle<\/p>\n

And Kelly exclaimed as they drove out of sight<\/p>\n

Happy Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times \u2018Twas the Sunday before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care And Santa asked Kelly \u201cWhat should I put in there?\u201d \u201cWell, Santa\u201d said Kelly. \u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s no problem at all.\u00a0 Just give […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13025,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[245,7],"tags":[160,159,375,2395],"class_list":["post-13023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-featured","tag-christmas","tag-santa","tag-shopping","tag-the-mall"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13023"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13023\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13025"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unionvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}