Airing my fashion grievances, 2013 edition

My new list of alarming fashion trends

By Kelly Hockenberry, Columnist, The Times

Every so often, I like to air my fashion grievances. They are not always met with support from you, the reader…but I can’t seem to stop myself.

We’ve been over (and over) my dislike for capri pants, jean shorts on men, Birkenstocks, artificial nails and scrunchies. I have waxed poetic regarding “just saying no” to Vera Bradley bags, Pandora bracelets and thumb rings.

Well, I have a few more to add to my ever-expanding list….

Lucite clutches as shown here (carried by Astrid Munoz during Fashion Week). I just DO NOT GET THIS. First of all, I’m pretty sure this clear box costs several hundred dollars and secondly, it’s just downright idiotic.

White heels (like this piece of work from Chinese Laundry). They seem to be all the rage for spring and I can’t get over their sterile, nursing uniform appearance. I will NOT be rocking these, mark my words.

The “full” eyebrow shown here from a picture at www.jennajulieta.blogspot.com. To me, this lovely gal needs a wax, STAT. Just my opinion.

The uneven hemline (available from Bailey 44….but, don’t you dare buy one!) This asymmetrical look was wrong in the 1990’s and remains so today.

Apparently, this is Gwyneth Paltrow’s “nighttime occasion” outfit as featured on her website, Goop.

WHERE IS SHE GOING? Because, although we can all agree that her stomach is remarkable, I think she may be forgetting that she is forty. Even those fantastic Jimmy Choo stilettos can’t save this get-up. Belly shirts (no matter how thin you are) = horrifying. A much better version would have included a shirt that covered her naval and a well-cut blazer. Just goes to show that even Hollywood royalty can have a “What Not to Wear” moment.

Well, there you have it. My most updated list of couture criticisms.

Happy Sunday!